Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
