Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
