I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
