Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
