took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
