things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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