The maid of honor just puked.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
