I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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