Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
