had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
