jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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