im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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