I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
