i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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