I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
3pm strippers are depressing
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
