Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
There's always time for handjobs
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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