First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
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this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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