who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
