Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
