we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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