if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
