Please, let me fuck your mom
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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