But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
