no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
