next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Randomize
