We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
