Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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