Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
