We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
