I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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