My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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