i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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