I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize