stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
