I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The beer is more important than you right now.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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