I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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