I just saw a hot homeless man
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
