Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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