I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
