I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
