My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize