he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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