You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
