Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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