I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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