it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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