Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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