I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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