Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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