I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
