It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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