Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I had to cum in my sink.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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