I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
