drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
