I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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