You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
