Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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