it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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