Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
