thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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