I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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