If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
