i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
