My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
