He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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