I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Pooping to opera.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
