There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
