New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
