I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
