The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
