youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you had me at cake vodka
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
