dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
