I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
