I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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