First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
