On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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