I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
